What a choice! Stay home with my new “girls” or travel to New York to visit a friend. For most folks the answer would be crystal clear, yet I found myself wallowing in a sea of angst about what was the “right” decision for me.
Suffering so much stress and resistance to picking up the phone and making reservations, caused me to pause. What’s going on here with me? Was I stuck in fear, reluctance, insisting that my decision be the right one for everyone else in my life? Was I seeking approval in the form of…”good for you, you are stretching yourself, go for it, your chicks will be there when you return!”
I found this idea strange and foreign after what I thought had been years of releasing myself from co-dependent interactions. Basically, caring more about what others thought about me and my life. Yet, I was wrong.
In fact, that was exactly what was going on for me. Somehow I lost touch with “knowing what’s best for me” while attempting (as I discovered) not to look stupid or unadventurous. I stop trusting myself and started questioning myself.
I discovered my truth in the mist of my Profession Coaching Course. The subject of the last few weeks was based on the book, Immunity To Change by Bob Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey.
This program is based on having a big assumption that is hidden from us which prevents us from moving forward, accomplishing our goals and making decisions. After going through the model, I found the big assumption, (looking stupid and unadventurous) which was causing me stress and pain.
Once I dug down deep enough to get past the “shoulds and caring what others thought of me,” I found the cause of my discomfort and inability to make a choice. This “aha” moment released me from my frozen stance and I was able to see clearly what would be best for me right now.
So, you will find me home with my baby chicks and taking care of my Mexico life at the ranch. For the moment, this feels just right to me now.